Overeating Again

I am overeating again. Eating like I have never done before. Eating my way to a new me. A better me I want to think. But some would say I am eating too much. Just like I used to. But I need to. Overeat again.

I am sitting idle again. Like I always used to do. But didn't do for so long. When I had so many things to do. And when there are so many things to do, you are not not doing all of them. You are not sitting idle.Now I am. And again tomorrow.

I am studying nothing again. It's more a study of nothing and everything. I am noticing the nothings in our world; it's not ludicrous because in the absence of everything, there would still be much to study. And it is my endeavour to do this again. Study nothing.

I am repressing again. Not that I know perfectly well what that means. I mean I know what it means to repress. But I wonder what it is that I am repressing. I think I am doing it again because I get this nagging feeling that something should be bothering me.

I am co-dependent again. Not just on people, but also on dogs, houseplants, TV characters, and the odd strip of sunlight that peeks through my window to wake me in the late morning. I will always need them more than I need me.

I am playing cards again. Not that cards are a good or bad thing. It's something to do to pass the time.Or make money. It's a state of mind really. A microcosm for a year in weeks; some good, others bad, some trumps, others discards. And every deck has the same 52 cards.

I am cycling again. Not just in terms of riding a bicycle. I really mean doing things over and over again. It's like my circadian rhythm rules my life. Sleep. Eat. Eat. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Eat. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat again.

I am channel-surfing again. Except this time not just on television. Web-sites, Sega games and TV. I can see the TV from almost anywhere in my house. Even in my bedroom in my dreams. I don't have it hooked up to my Mac yet. I better change the channel again.

I am shortening my attention span again. I used to like to do things that take a long time. But now, even though I have no reason, I mean, I am not busy, I still do things in two second installments. Again and again. Sometimes for hours at a time.

I am daydreaming again. In an empty stupor that some would call daydreaming, others catatonic. It's nice to be able to have a dream at night and then consciously pick it up later in the day to finish it off the way you wanted.

I am wearing sunglasses again. For three years I did so only sporadically, partly because I lived in London, partly because I lost an expensive pair. It was a sort of punishment not buying another pair. There is some sort of fallacy there. But I have a nice pair again.

I am overeating again. Eating like I have never done before. Eating my way to a new me. A better me I want to think. But because I'm so thin, it's a good thing. It's good to eat a lot. Except not on a date. Otherwise, don't worry. Overeat again.